The Great Cheese Quest

So for Mother's day my family has a tradition of spending the day at the horse races. Not the track, but the cross country affair. We Picnic, and thats with a capital 'P' because we're quite serious about this. Sun dresses and hats, smoked salmon and champagne, white quilts spread on green lawns. That doesn't mean we're uptight though. We still serve from plastic glasses and there is a certain level of informality that occurs whenever you go some where with your extended family, dogs, babies and the occasional baby goat.
Anyway, my contribution to the picnic was cheese (of course). I brought two inoffensive offerings: a cheddar and an aged gouda. And then I picked for my own pleasure: Lazy Lady Filibuster and Drunken Hooligan. As soon as I heard those names I couldn't resist! Don't they just sound perfectly like race horse names? I had a bite of the Drunken Hooligan while I was at the shop (DiBruno Brothers) and the first thing I noticed was it's wicked bitter backtaste. I debated not getting it but I'm ever so glad I did because it pairs wonderfully with - who'd have guessed it? - alcohol! The Lazy Lady was soft and pungent too, but not so much that I was worried that it would melt or stink out the other picnic goers. It had a certain creamy meatiness that was just wow good. Too bad I bought the last corner of it available. I'd love to be able to eat more!

Posted in: Cheddar, Drunken Hooligan, Gouda, Lazy Lady Filibuster on Thursday, May 15, 2008 at at 10:22 AM 0 comments  

Mother's day started perfectly this year. I woke up, after a full 6 hours of awesomely deep sleep, to find myself in a big warm sunbeam. My clock radio had been bumped off its usual annoying chat channel (i hate it, so i wake up. works like a charm) and was instead playing violin music. Not too sad, but not a jig either...it was just right. So I stretch lazily, roll out of bed and go brush my teeth. I step on the scale, and it shows I've lost weight. Awwwesome. Can it get better than this? Why, yes. There is cheese for breakfast.
Remember how that cheese market accidentally gave me Cotswold instead of Shropshire? Well, after the initial shock (ugh, never swig vodka and then take a big bite of heavily leek flavored cheese) I set about looking for a recipe to make Cotswold palatable. I had good luck in the archives of the Albion Cooks blog. There was a breakfast tart featuring egg, bacon and Cotswald, sounds good! Um, but I'm no cook. Heck, cheese is just slice and eat. Can't mess that up. Now, I know exactly why I'm not a good chef: 1) I don't go and get the ingredients I need therefore 2) I don't actually follow the recipe. So things usually go badly.
However, on Sunday everything was destined to be perfect. My version of the Scottish breakfast tart as seen on Albion Cooks? Ham, egg and cheese on toasted weightwatchers bread. Mm hmm gourmand heaven right? Actually, it was great! Ham is the perfect foil to the Cotswolds overly aggressive onion flavor. Ahhh, gotta love it. :)

Posted in: Cotswold on Monday, May 12, 2008 at at 8:04 AM 1 comments  

Ah at last, cheese. Morbier is named after the town in France where it originated, but I chose it because of its similarity to the word "morbid". What? There's nothing wrong with choosing a cheese for its cover. It's not like they come with a cute synopsis and industry-celebrity reviews written on the back. (Wow, but thats not bad an idea if I do say so my self.) Mostly people choose by color, a guess at basic texture and, of course, previous experience. Only if you're lucky will you be able to get a sniff or taste test before you buy.
So here I am trying not to buy something that I've had before, knowing that I'll be happy with almost everything in the case; how can I narrow it down? Two factors: 1) Names that make me giggle. 2) The contents of my liquor cabinet. Since I'm currently drinking rum and black cherry lemonade, I can safely assume no cheese will pair well (except dessert Wensleydale). Silly name it is!
Morbier also has a pungent scent that I enjoy. And when I say pungent that means other folks may find it somewhat offensive if not reminiscent of death warmed over. But despite its odor, Morbier is quite mild from head to toe. The rind is sticky and leathery, pleasant enough to eat but you're not missing anything if you don't eat it either. The body of the cheese is fleshy; soft yet springy. And so mild it can be eaten in great mouthfuls which adds to the sensation of eating something meaty, yet not animal. Ooo much like eating the white of a hard boiled egg. This cheese goes perfectly with simple, mild things. Cucumbers and a fresh white baguette. Melon and unnervingly floral gin (Blue Coat would be good). Lemon thyme and mild radishes.
Mmm mm. I'm so hungry again.

Posted in: Morbier on Tuesday, May 6, 2008 at at 7:41 AM 0 comments  

Two weeks ago I headed into New York for a taping of the Rachael Ray Show. I'm sorry. I know I should have mentioned it sooner. I was distracted by several toddlers and a nasty toothache. And actually, I probably wouldn't have mentioned it at all, but I'm broke again and I can't afford a new cheese for lunch. Not to say I didn't have fun at the Rachael Ray show! It was quite fun, Babybel level of fun: cute, novel, not amazingly tasty...but entertaining.
It's just that it wasn't about cheese. In fact it wasn't really about cooking either. I thought I was going to a Rachael Ray show when in fact I was going to The Rachael Ray Show. It's a talk show?? Tell me again why we want to see a chef interview people? 'Eh' on that concept. But it was nifty seeing behind the scenes of a tv taping and Rachael still did a bit of cooking. She made her lunch. No seriously. She was working a 12 hour day, taping different shows back-to-back-to-back. Around 1:00 there was a segment on california pasta and when the cameras turned off for "commercial break" Rachael picked up a fork and dug in. Really it shouldn't be impressive to watch someone eat their lunch. But we just finished watching her cook her lunch...so I guess what could be more natural? Who would trust a chef who doesn't eat her own food anyway?
The whole experience was riddled with surreal moments like that. Everything on the set was exactly like it was on TV (obviously) except that once its life size you realize how crazy it all looks. Her fridge is baby blue. Well, I mean the TV studios fridge is baby blue. In person, thats weird. Who has a blue fridge and an orange stove? And the lights...woah...there is no ceiling. It's just a sea of black blazing with lights and yet the studio is still icy cold (HP Lovecraft fans this place is for you). The studio audience is seated on a giant lazy susan that spins to follow Rachael to each of her settings. It spins smoothly, without warning, and occasionally backwards. Much like the show itself; which stops and starts, does sudden retakes and is filmed entirely out of order.
But there was talk of cheese...no actual cheese but the audience really would have liked it. We cheered ecstatically every time Rachael Ray said "cheese". Even drowning her out occasionally and garnering surprised laughter for our efforts. So if you see an episode about California pasta where the audience goes crazy for cheese...thats me. I'm hiding in plain sight. :)

Posted in: babybel, general discussion on Monday, May 5, 2008 at at 8:06 AM 2 comments  

Oh, I know I shouldn't be writing this. If cheese food doesn't belong here then certainly powdered cheese flavoring is the worst kind of interloper on my heretofore pure cheese blog. But I can't help but give a nod to Andy Capp cheese fries.
On a certain small college campus, in a certain building, on the 3rd floor...waaay at the back, is a vending machine. A vending machine filled with stuff that no one eats; or really that no one choses to eat until pressed. Licorice. Salt-free pretzels. Wrigley's gum. A unheard of brand of miniature cookies. And Andy Capp's Hot Fries. But before this dust covered and forlorn machine was filled with that final insult of painful heat, it used to be stocked with plain Andy Capp cheese fries. They kept me going all through college.
That vending machine was my secret stash. The cafeteria was only open for 6 hours a day. The campus store opened only on weekdays. The vending machines in the dorms were emptied within minutes of the cafeteria shutting... Except for my creepy little friend on the 3rd floor. It would always be waiting for me. Even when the building lights were all shut off for the weekend, it would be sitting there, humming, creating a little halo of light around those last few bags of fries. My footsteps would echo as I rushed down the empty corridor..oh wow, and opening the bag was intense. Really it was like eating in a sensory deprivation tank. Dark and silent (except for crinkle and crunch), enveloped in a cloud of fake cheese scent.
I worried about going back and trying them again. Could it be another nostalgic cheesesteak moment? But Andy Capp has a new flavor... (and really i thought that they hadn't actually made any cheese fries since way before I went to college, that I'd been slowly eating my way through the warehouse backlog in a long shutdown factory) Its "White Cheddar Cheese Steak Fries". And I'm thrilled to say they are even better than when I was in school :)
First, because they are white cheddar. You know my feelings about orange cheese (especially after yesterdays Cotswold incident). And secondly, because I now have enough money to pair them with the perfect matching alcohol.
Miller Light *grin*

Posted in: Andy Capp's Cheese Fries on Thursday, May 1, 2008 at at 7:14 AM 0 comments  

Oh damn. Another shopping mistake. I ducked into the Reading Terminal Market because my mood was slipping (after nasty run in with septa's attempts at "customer service") and I was in desperate need of some cheese to pep me up. I went straight to Salumeria as it was the closest. The selection was nothing out of the ordinary. I'd pretty much tried everything there except for the goat cheese but I wasn't in the mood for that. So I chose Shropshire (an orange cousin to stilton). The attendant had no idea where it was. I tried to direct him and then a 2nd attendant pointed him towards "the orange one". I got my cheese (wrapped in clingfilm, then wax paper, then more clingflim and finally a plastic bag) and plodded home.
I settled in, poured my self a big glass of lime vodka and took a big bite of orange cheese. Cheese that is in no way related to Shropshire except by unfortunate shade of orange. I don't know what the heck this is. Nasty cheddar with green flecks. And it really really doesn't go with vodka. I'm going to go off and mope somewhere.

Posted in: Cotswold, Shropshire on Monday, April 28, 2008 at at 8:48 AM 2 comments  

I play a lot of those downloadable pc games. Bejeweled, Dinner Dash, Insaniquarium; pretty much anything that comes with a 60 minute free trial (because you can pretty much beat them in that amount of time). Anyway, I was playing a hidden object game, and I found myself in a grocery store scene with tons of cheese. Suddenly I thought something along the lines of "omg there should be more games with cheese!!" Of all the subjects for cutesy games marketed to women, how could cheese not have been picked before? Cheese is at once gourmet and low-brow humorous. It can be simplified down to the iconic yellow swiss or illustrated in it's thousands of shades and textures. It's a luxury item, yet available at the supermarket; a brilliant hybrid of exotic foreign import and safe domestic bliss.

And think of what a great time-management game cheese making would be! From milking to cooking, to whey separation, to flavoring and aging, to packing and shipping, and all the way to the customers hands. Heck, I can see several games in this. Cheese Master and Cheesemonger (followed by my feature length movie "Cheesemaster and Commander: The Far Side of the Wheel").

But alas, the current offerings for cheese games are truly weak. A hard to control, yet otherwise unchallenging puzzle game: Cheese Hunt. A side scroller that's pretty fun (you play as rubbery moon made of cheese) : Cheese Dreams. There's Cheese Indigestion.... I'll pass on that. These are justsad! Come on Bigfish games! I'm waiting on you to rescue me from mediocre cheese entertainment.

Posted in: swiss on Thursday, April 24, 2008 at at 8:58 PM 0 comments